Developing Conversational Material for Dating
- Erik Carlberg
- Jun 21
- 3 min read
One of the biggest sticking points that men working on their social skills across all different demographics come to me with is not knowing what to say. (This is a close second to overcoming shyness.) This blog post, Developing Conversational Material for Dating, can help.
“I don’t know what to say to get a woman attracted to me.”
“I don’t know how to flirt.”
“I don’t know how to advance the interaction. I get stuck in friendly conversations that go nowhere but the friendzone.”
“How do I transition to building attraction?”
“I don’t know what to say when it comes to exchanging contact info.”
“I don’t know what to text her to get her to see me again.”
“I’m bad at explaining myself.”
While this is a major sticking point, most men also don’t like the idea of using conversational techniques. They want their conversations to flow more naturally. They don’t want to feel scripted.
This is completely understandable, and yet, I feel that the most lasting solution to this issue is to develop conversational material until we no longer need to.
Developing conversational material for dating is like learning songs on the guitar
Aspiring guitarists typically start their journeys by learning the basics. They learn basic chords, scales, chord progressions, and simple songs. They then progress to learning more advanced material—more complex songs. Throughout this process, they mess around with creating their own riffs. They search for sounds that match the vibrations in their imagination.
Once enough of a foundation is in place, many guitarists decide to spend the majority of their time playing music that they enjoy—that they feel expresses what they want to express. Some guitarists continue to practice their fundamentals and delve ever deeper into more complex music theory and challenging songs created by others.
This is not the path of every guitarist. There are those who never took a lesson, don’t understand a lick about theory, and figured everything out themselves. But they’re a rare breed. They’re the exception, not the rule. Far more talented guitarists started out the same way as all the rest.
It can be difficult to apply these same principles to our dating lives. This area feels more sacrosanct. It shouldn’t be so difficult. It shouldn’t be so technical. Or so we wish.
The hard work that makes a difference
In my many years of working on my game and coaching other men, I’ve found that developing conversational material is one of the most effective ways to elevate our skills. It’s the hard work that most people don’t want to do. It’s the stuff that’s easy to rationalize away—to put on the back burner. It’s like accounting for a business. It’s generally much more fun to focus on product/service development, sales, marketing, social media, etc. But many of the greatest minds in business stress the importance of “knowing your numbers,” and of doing the arduous work of accounting for every penny that flows in and out of a business.
That’s what developing conversational material is; it’s a fundamental practice. It’s like practicing scales to a guitarist. For martial artists, it’s practicing stances instead of jump spinning hook kicks. For business owners, it’s reading books on accounting and taxes.
Yes, non-verbal communication is massively important, as is listening; nonetheless, being able to effectively communicate who we are to a woman of interest is also of great importance.
If you’re interested in learning how I can help you develop conversational material and improve your communication skills, request a no-pressure consultation:
Just looking for some free dating tips? Well, that’s okay, too. I made a few shorts on this exact topic. Here’s the first one:
